post-transplant UPDATES
03/29 8:30 PM - On January 16th, I wrote and asked everyone to join me for an imaginary walk into the not so distant future of a springtime night. That night I was endeavoring to communicate the peaceful quiet that had fallen upon our lives; the tranquility we were feeling as things were beginning to settle back down to a place of normalcy.
Tonight, I write again concerning a quietness that has settled in. This time however, it is not a quite of peaceful transition, but rather a quietness borne of complacency.
Recently, we as a family took a moment and revisited the events of the last few months, recalling in great detail each key moment from September 20th to the present. During this brief stroll through the recent past, our emotions were brought to feel once again the fear, trauma, anxiety and desperation as we re-lived each moment and we were stirred once again to a season of thankfulness to have been brought though this ordeal with such blessings as was bestowed.
It was this very act of revisiting these events that revealed the silence of which I speak with such great clarity. It is taking a very long time for me to compose this letter, because I find I am fighting against myself. (I started writing this post on 2/28/09). The words that are clearly written upon my heart to share convict me personally to the point that I have refused to write and have attempted to ignore the inspiration to do so.
But then along came an outward prompting from at first two different sources and now a third, all saying they are under this same spirit of conviction as I have been feeling to write concerning, so I have resolved that I will respond and push my way through the internal opposition that I feel and attempt to deliver this message.
I have come to recognize within my own life; within the confines of my own household, a return to former ways. This was something I feared from the beginning and had hoped that the profound impact that had been had upon every life so intimately touched by the miraculous events of Kelli’s trials would have solidified our stand and held focus our eyes single upon God’s glory and we would not turn to the left or to the right, but we would stay the course begun in pursuit of the Spirit and Power and Love of Almighty God in our daily walk and our renewed desire and ambition to minister to the lives of others and to be a blessing to others in anyway in which God saw fit to lead.
I am reminded once again of the history so clearly written of Moses’ leadership of God’s chosen people, Israel. From the very onset of God’s mighty display of power unto the deliverance of Israel from Pharaoh’s captivity, Israel rebelled; Israel disbelieved; Israel hardened their hearts towards God; Israel quickly forgot the many blessings of God and gave themselves over to the worship of idols made by their own hands and unto murmuring and complaining against the God of Heaven who had set them free and begun to fulfill the covenant oath He made with Abraham that his seed would inherit a promised land.
Israel walked through the Red Sea on dry ground while Pharaoh’s army was swallowed up and drowned in the same path Israel had just crossed through. Yet on the other side of that miraculous crossing, the children of Israel murmured against God and against Moses for having brought them into the wilderness to die of hunger and thirst and lack of provisions that they had grown so accustomed to while under Pharaoh’s control those 400 long years in bondage.
Rather than remaining steadfast in their faith that God would provide all their needs as He had already with great abundance show them, they wished that they had stayed in Egypt where at least they had a guaranteed meal and shelter. Such was the story all through the Exodus. So great was the rebellion of Israel that God declared that none of those who had come out of Egypt would enter the Promised Land but that they would wander in the wilderness until every last one of them had perished and the promise would then be restored to the next generation of Israel.
So has been the pattern in my own personal walk with God. God has touched my life in so many ways. I can recount testimonies clear back into my early childhood years of God’s blessing and manifestation in my life and into my late teens and early twenties when my walk with God took on a more defined and focused course. Yet, through many of the trials of my life, I have been quick to beg God’s mercy and blessing and have stood in awe when He delivers, but I find that I quickly forget the blessings once the storm has passed.
One would think that after nearly twenty-years of instruction in the faith that I would have at least solidified in my own heart and mind that God’s call is to trust Him in all things; for all things, just like the Israelites should have learned.
Often times in the worst of life’s trials I have seen the hand of God moving in such miraculous ways, but when it’s over, I am quick to say, “Thanks Lord, I got it from here.” I once taught a class entitled, “The God Box”. I think it’s safe to say we all have one. We each have our own custom sized box but we all to some degree or another take our God Box off the shelf in times of need and we dust it off and appeal to God to fulfill our need with all our soul but once all is calm again, we put the lid back on the box and return it to it’s place on the shelf and wait for the next upset until we dust it off again and appeal for help from on High.
It’s truly a sad state of being when we who profess to know Him, treat Him with such frivolity. There was a lot transpiring in the later part of September 2008 while Kelli lie comatose in the hospital. Of course there was all the activity of the doctors and us as a family as we prayed and waited and hoped for a miracle. But I am talking about the activities that we weren’t so readily aware of.
It’s been understood that in fact Kelli did die (code) in the recovery room that day. That day could have been the end of days for her. The next three days spent in a coma there was much transpiring regarding Kelli’s life from this point forward. The guarded optimism that the doctors attempted to hold out to us as a family was simply their inability to determine for sure what the outcome was going to be, for clearly it was not in their hands. It was in the hands of the only one who could return her to us and it was to Him that we appealed unceasingly as family, friends and Christians around the globe bent their knees to lift Kelli in prayer before our Heavenly Father. So great were the prayers on her behalf that our faith; our prayers literally moved the hand of God, bound by His own Words, that those who ask receive, those who seek find and those who knock it is opened.
The doctors said a miracle would be needed if Kelli was to pull through this. On the third day, within hours of making that statement, the miracle came and Kelli was awake. Prayer answered. A rich and powerful lesson was laid at our feet that day. The revelation of the power of prayer and the confirming of the truth that God is and that He is the rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.
God delivered His first blessing to Kelli on that day. We were left in utter awe and filled with gratitude, but it was almost immediate that there was a shift in the abundance and diligence of prayers being lifted up. There was a sense of relief and a sense of satisfaction that Kelli was going to be ok and our spiritual postures relaxed.
The nearly three months that passed from the time Kelli discovered her condition to the time that she receive the heart transplant surgery that set her back on the path of life and health, was a season of declining prayer and weakening diligence. This is not to say that prayers weren’t being offered, that love was being shared and that thoughts weren’t continually invoked in the matter, but the fervency of our hearts had grown still.
The Spirit of Conviction that has rested so heavily upon my heart cries out to remember the day that God heard our prayers and reached out from Heaven and brought a blessing into our life that caused everyone touched thereby to be silent and recognize that what they had just witnessed was a miracle without question and then again a second time in the hour of need, God fulfilled the blessing according to His own purposes and brought about the restoration of Kelli’s life.
Towards the latter part of the year I gave serious contemplation to the manner in which Kelli would receive this renewed life and I was deeply saddened as I wrestled with the fact that in order for Kelli to live, another must die. For what seemed like days I belabored this matter with God as if I were almost in an arm wrestling match with Him over it.
Then, one afternoon, I cried out, “Why God? Why must someone else die that another might live?” And suddenly there came upon my heart a peace that silenced my complaint and I understood a voice speaking to my heart, although not audible, I clearly understood the words spoken saying,”
“I ask you this question; can you see me as you once did, in all things and through all things, I Am? Did you not once write and say that all things, good and bad were designed to point you to God?” I ask you again, Can you see me now as you once did? You ask Me why must one die that another might live?” And then my eyes were opened and I beheld the cross and Christ crucified for the sins of the world and the voice continued saying, “Greater love hath no man than this; Can you see Me now?”
I remained silent and my heart felt a plurality of emotion in that instant. Simultaneously I was awed and humbled at the foot of the Cross, filled with peace and joy that God loved us so much that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in him should not perish, but have everlasting life; and then equally filled with gratefulness and respect and mournfulness of the loss of a life not yet passed that another might live.
Mankind will never be able to answer all the “why” questions pertaining to God, at least not in this lifetime on earth. God said it best to Isaiah when He said, “My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are my ways your ways.” And then Job, the suffering servant, hit the nail on the head when he declared in his faith, standing firm in his relationship with God and said, (not understanding all that was transpiring, but) “Though God should slay me, yet I will praise Him!”
Job understood clearly that none of what he had, not even the breathe with in his own lungs was his; everything belongs to God; the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, we are called to be faithful stewards over what God entrusts us with and always remember to seek Him first in all things and to praise Him and give Him thanks in all things, always seeking to Glorify the name of our God.
Remember that God IS and that He IS a REWARDER of them that DILIGENTLY seek Him. Ask and you shall receive; seek and you shall find; knock and it shall be opened unto you. Combining those two passages from Scripture places within our hand a key that will unlock the blessings of God in your life.
Even more important is to remember when God moves in response to diligent and faithful prayer, remember the blessing, remember the lesson, remember above all else to continually, and without ceasing, thank and praise God for his goodness and condescension in our lives.
And it’s with that thought that I close; thanking God in the name of His Son, Jesus Christ for blessing Kelli’s life and each of us who are part of her life. I pray that we each continue to pursue the calling of God upon our lives, to seek Him out and learn of His ways; to find Him and know Him, for this is life eternal; that we might know Him, the only true God and Jesus Christ who He has sent. And it’s in Jesus’ name I pray. Even so, amen.
03/29 11:00 AM - One week ago, I stepped outside to the amazing sound of birds singing in the warmth of an early spring morn. Today, I stepped outside to see penguins sliding down the hill in my backyard on their bellies! (Not really, but that's about how drastic a change we've had in weather in one week! Spring last Sunday - back to winter this Sunday! )
But you know what I found interesting - the message was still the same; Praise Him!
(Psalm 148) " Praise ye the LORD. Praise ye the LORD from the heavens: praise him in the heights. Praise ye him, all his angels: praise ye him, all his hosts. Praise ye him, sun and moon: praise him, all ye stars of light. Praise him, ye heavens of heavens, and ye waters that be above the heavens. Let them praise the name of the LORD: for he commanded, and they were created. He hath also stablished them for ever and ever; he hath made a decree which shall not pass. Praise the LORD from the earth, ye dragons, and all deeps: Fire, and hail; snow, and vapor; stormy wind fulfilling his word: Mountains, and all hills; fruitful trees, and all cedars: Beasts, and all cattle; creeping things, and flying fowl: Kings of the earth, and all people; princes, and all judges of the earth: Both young men, and maidens; old men, and children: Let them praise the name of the LORD: for his name alone is excellent; his glory is above the earth and heaven. He also exalteth the horn of his people, the praise of all his saints; even of the children of Israel, a people near unto him. Praise ye the LORD."
Just like was said last week concerning the springtime day, so it is true in the landscape of winter's own closing psalm of praise, "Perfect harmony and unity, fulfilling their God ordained purpose - to praise him; to exalt him; and to be even a spokesman inviting us to the same privileged purpose; to Glorify and Magnify the name of our God and our Lord. "
Again, I say Amen and amen. May God add His blessings.
